I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
