I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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