Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
