I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize