I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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