Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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