He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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