Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
