I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
