i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
