you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
