It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
