Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
