I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
