my shit smells like andre
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
