He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
