is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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