My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She told me I should be a condom model.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
