I'm jealous of your bromance
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
