I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
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Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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