Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize