He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
