sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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