Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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