he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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