hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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