this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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