In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
