I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
