I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
