I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
