planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
vagina is talking i cant
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
