Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
