There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
