Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
