I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
