I'm lost and stupid without you.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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