a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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