Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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