I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
