turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
