my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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