Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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