Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
