What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
