she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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