respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
