new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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