I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
