he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
