First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
