she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
