dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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