bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
