he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
