my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
