clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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