His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
