Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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