why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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