so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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