I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
