this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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