....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
