Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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