i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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