Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
