I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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